Life is never linear. It goes up and down, in waves which come crushing over us, followed by still waters of tranquillity and peace. In between tides is the place we find ourselves pushed out of our comfort zone, being challenged by new experiences and often battered by pain we need to endure in order to grow, to learn, to love despite what is being thrown at us.
In times like these, I find my refuge in art journaling which I have discovered last year while being very poorly for quite a long time. Thanks to internet and its many resources, I stumbled upon an artist from the UK and started following her journey on YouTube. Like me, she was going through perimenopause and all that it brings. I could relate to her and her problems, her feelings and struggles; and she introduced me to art journaling; to making art without boundaries, without preconceived ideas and expected outcomes. What a liberation.
I believe (and I am talking from my own experience) that we are raised to perform beyond our capabilities, to fulfil somebody else’s dreams and aspirations, mostly our parents, without being considered as our own creatures. And we do it; we do as we are told until we just cannot. It doesn’t always have to be our parents who put an enormous pressure on us. It can also be our partner or our friends; their expectations are impossibly high and we are trying to live up to their idea of us.
But the biggest enemy of ours is us, ourselves.
Is journaling the answer?
When I journal, it is my mission not to judge myself and my work. Of course, that is very easy to do, however, the more I journal the better I get at forgetting to mark my work. My journal pages are my sanctuary where I can do as I am pleased. I had to learn this but it is worth the effort I dare saying. And it is also very practical because I get my frustrations out, literally on paper, and I can also stumble upon a page that is offering the possibility of a new canvas.
Yes, my paintings don’t just happen (in most cases I mean). It is similar to a writer’s situation; if an author waited for inspiration, the libraries would be empty. Not my words, I read it somewhere long time ago; and what a truthful sentence that is? It’s very similar when painting. I don’t always feel inspiration pushing through; on the contrary.
There are periods of time I don’t touch the brush nor paint but that doesn’t mean I am inactive. My mind is wandering over lush fields, over interesting faces or wild waters. Like with everything, I then have to make myself to start creating; You have to make time; I have to sit still and perhaps even stare at the blank page or blank canvas.
I used to feel intimidated by large and empty spaces; not anymore. The secret is to start; mark making is a great way to break the silence of a white page. Random lines or shapes will break the white. Adding some colour is also an option. Do not forget, these are your first marks which will get covered by other layers and marks and colours.
Another great way to heal your soul is to start a series. This way you can really see your progress. My most recent one is a challenge I set to myself last year. It’s called 100 faces challenge. Currently I am on number 57. You can follow my progress on Instagram @inherspiritart.